It’s been quite a while since I really updated my blog, I guess I was enjoying my life too much in last few months and when you truly happy you just cannot be bothered to write anything, otherwise it would be like Monday: I had a great day. Tuesday: I had another great day, so on and so on. The last few days I was really down and I can barely sleep, now it’s 5 o’clock in the morning and I have been awake the whole night.

I always try to tell myself that if you happy its one day, if you not happy its also a day, why not just be happy everyday? Its always easier said than done. I know I have been trying, but is it enough? Life has never been easy to anyone. Does the pain made us grow up or it’s just we increased the ability to bear pain as we grow up? I don’t know. I hate drama but life is always full of drama, I hate pain (who doesn't? lmao) but love is full of pain. Can we stop loving someone? I guess not, unfortunately. all those fairy tales, there must be a hidden evil ending.

I had my very first cigarette and I don’t think it make me a bad girl. I felt a little sad though. Anything worth me writing down so I won’t forget in the near future? Well, not really. I cried last night? many people cry everyday. I didn’t eat properly in last few days? many people don’t eat at all. I couldn’t sleep well? come on, see how many people rely on sleeping pills. So it’s really not a big deal.

We plan lots of things ahead as if we believe they will be happening for real, then we delay it, change it, eventually cancel it. We believe lots of things, and they turned out to be a lie no matter how hard I try. I am even not sure if I have faith anymore. God, if God really exist, I wish he can hear me and give me some hints of direction.